get laid

Guys: 6 Reasons You’re Not Getting Laid

Hey guys. Gotten laid recently? No. Well here’s why.

I have guy friends who get laid regularly, and guy friends who do not. Patterns emerge. I notice them. I blog.

1. You became a moany bitch
Bad things happen to us. Some people pat themselves down and get on with it. Some mope and whine for days, months or even years! I have noticed that guys who are not getting laid much are in a down cycle. They are focusing on negatives, rather than positives. If you’re being a negative, moany bitch, you will not be seeking to get laid (positive), and even if you do meet a sexy guy or gal, you’ll put them off with your negative bullshit. Dust yourself off, get over it, and get back to enjoying life!!moan

2. You’re working too hard
Working hard can be good. You might make a bit more money, you might take a step up the career ladder. These are good things, well done. But many people caught in this ambitious cycle forget to EVER get out of it! Stress releases cortisol, the stress hormone. There’s a lot of biological science to it, but in short, cortisol messes with your dick! Set specific days to relax, switch off and have some fun, man!

busy3. Shyness
“Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to” The great Smiths once said. Either temporary or permanent shyness is a total cock-block. And/or being highly strung. Chill the fuck out! Girls don’t care that you’re not perfect, nobody is. Men obsess about their dicks too, a significant source of shyness. Seriously guys, we don’t care. Just let your hair down and let’s have a fun time shall we.


4. Bad Conversation
“Hey how’s it going?” is shit-chat. “So what music do you like”… is okay, as long as it’s after we discussed something interesting. Decent conversation is not hard, but it needs a bit of practice. Pick something specific about me, talk about me – people love themselves! Ask me what I do, what I’ve done recently, where I’ve traveled, slip in a naughty but not pervy question, find out what makes me laugh. If you’re dull, we’re not sleeping together.


5. You’re a soppy twat
Oh you wrote me a poem, that’s nice. You falling in love with me after 3 days? Great. NO NOT GREAT. If you think love and life is like the movies, you’ve been fed on little white lies (any Radiohead fans reading? Email me: [email protected]). Man up you soppy tart. Look, emotions are natural and it’s good that a guy shows his emotions: OTT macho masculine crap is equally pathetic. But just man the fuck up. I don’t need to see your emotions at the beginning, ok?

6. Bad Hygeine
This should be #1, but it’s so obvious I needed to catch your attention first with something more interesting 🙂 If you smell bad, you ain’t getting laid. If your teeth aren’t brushed, you ain’t getting laid. If you have nose an ear hair growing like a forest out of you, you ain’t getting laid. If you’re noticeably overweight, you better be fucking funny too. How am I going to respect your dick if you don’t even respect yourself! I’m not going to risk going down there if you don’t even clean your teeth…… IGNORE AT YOUR PERIL GUYS!


That’s it for today guys, if you found this useful please leave your feedback below, I love to hear from y’all.

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